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Review: The Corpse Goddess by Kristi Jones

Title: The Corpse Goddess
Author: Kristi Jones
Series: The Corpse Goddess # 1
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Format: E-book
Source: Bewitching Book Tours
Pub. Year: 2012
Purchase: Amz
I received a copy of this novel free of charge from BBT in exchange for an honest review.

Blurb from Amazon:
Party girl Meg Highbury wakes up the morning after her twenty-first birthday with one hell of a hangover—and a walking corpse in her apartment. Meg turns to her straight-laced neighbor Armando for help, and together they discover that Meg is a Valkyrie. What’s more, her first duty is to trade places with the corpse.

But Meg is being sent to her Death Duty too soon. In a race against time, Meg frantically tries to find a loophole to avoid her gruesome fate, but while Meg is determined to live whatever the cost, Armando’s strict moral principles keep getting in the way of her plans for escape.

Can Meg walk the “right” and narrow path, possibly sacrificing her mortal life, for love? And if she can, will Armando have the stomach to love a rotting corpse of a girl who is falling apart in more ways than one?

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Random: If you are not into reading about explicitly decaying bodies, turn away. There is also some spoilers ahead. Just be warned.

Second Warning: Let me get this out of the way. This book is filled graphic description of decaying bodily functions. Meg (main character) pees herself ….multiple times. Maggots and rotting flesh are in abundance. I’m giving my readers a fair warning because I was shocked but will not disapprove of the rotting information. It is called Corpse Goddess so I thought “Mummy” and not an actual corpse. My bad.

Meg has to be the most physically disgusting main character I have ever read and I like to read about serial killers. A lot of props have to be given to Jones for writing a main character that is gassy, physically stinks, skin is tuning blue and falling off. Meg is just plain gross. She is a decent character but I didn’t particularly cared for her in the beginning. It was annoying that she never really took responsibility for her actions and bringing the curse upon herself. There is always someone to blame and the only time she admits fault is when she says “We did this” so that is not even a full admission. Anyways, she is a brave character who puts herself to danger to rescue her friends. Meg is driven to save her own life but she put herself through an emotional turmoil that was completely unnecessary (if she had only listened more closely). It adds great complexity to her character but it makes her appear to be an idiot. The situation would have also been helped if either of the Gonzalez Men had stopped arguing with Meg about moral reasons and just brought up the most obvious reason then the emotional turmoil would have never have happened. It is really an idiotic dead giveaway.

Now, who are the Gonzalez Men? One is Armando who is Meg’s neighbor and the other is Dr. Gonzalez, Armando’s father. They have a great relationship which is great contrast to Meg’s parental relationship. Armando and Dr. Gonzalez have beautiful scene where they are talking about responsibilities to our loved ones and it is moving. Possibly the best scene in the book because it is so heart-wrenching and honest. Possibly the best parental relationship that I have seen as well. Mind you, they are still idiots for not stating the most obvious problem of Meg’s solution.

Are you ready to find out why all the characters are idiots but still decent people? It is in the scene where the girls accidentally summon Loki. It stand out because it cements Meg’s stupidity and the scene wasn’t faithful to Loki’s character. As readers, we are told the Valkyrie can only be women and this is told repeatedly to Meg and the Gonzalez Men (Dr. Gonzalez actually does research on Valkyries) by her father yet the person she chooses to be her Valkyrie replacement is a man. Wow, this is Meg’s life on the line and she commits a vital mistake that it is hard to believe that she actually wants to save her life. Even Loki is confused by her logic. Let’s move on to Loki and why he is a failed god. Loki is the god of tricks; he may play a jokester but he is smart. This Loki talks and laughs like a three year toddler. He is supposed to be a funny man but it is hard to see when he is acting like a complete idiot (and not even the adorable idiot). The only good thing about Jones’s Loki is his sick sense of humor and it is sick. Loki would do something like that and it fits his character but his mannerisms are shot to hell.

Yes, I have called the all characters idiots for forgetting this major requirement of Valkyries. A good portion of the book is spent debating and dividing the group over the Valkyrie replacement so it is vital to the book. The fact that they were debating over nothing since the replacement is wrong means the book drove circles around itself. The debates while interesting and philosophical are invalid because it is a man who Meg wants to be a replacement. As readers, we are not going to be emotionally invested in the moral debate if the end result is pointless. Meg crossed the line for nothing. If the replacement was a woman, then, yes, the debate would have resonated more strongly with us because it would have been a “make it or break it” situation. Meg crossing the line would have changed her fate. Crossing the line for a man just adds emotional turmoil and dimension.

The book is actually really decent except for the Valkyrie replacement issue. I spent so much time focusing on it because I felt cheated. I just knew it was going nowhere. Once it crosses the whole “Man Valkyrie” issue, it turns out really good. There are amazing twists in the end and I fairly enjoyed the grossness of the book. That’s why I gave it four black butterflies. Yes, I may have complained a great deal about it but it is a good book. Did I mentioned there is a zombie in the mix as well?

Oh, one last thing. I love the fact that Jones portrayed the Gonzalez Men as Mexican and actually allowed them to speak Spanish. There was also some German and British mixed in there as well. Pretty good of showing people and their nationalities/race.