I think it is quite apparent that this blog is on its last legs….at least that’s what I would think because there has been no activity on this blog for quite some time.
Fortunately, that is not the case. I’m still around alive and kicking so the blog will continue. However, I do owe my readers an explanation. It’s really simple. January hates me and I have been battling with it for a very long time. Bad things happen in January but this means war.
War? That is a serious accusation but it is justifiable. My identity was stolen in early January. What a great start to the new year. It just so happens that I have no idea that my identity has been stolen until I start to receive phone calls from Target and Wal-mart. At first, I thought they were phishing calls so I didn’t pay much attention. My bank reassured me that nothing was wrong with my accounts so I go on living. Two weeks later, lo and behold, I have credit cards in my name to companies that I have never heard of. It was a horrible feeling just knowing that someone had stolen such vital information from me.
The emotional stress of knowing someone has taken my paper and credit life for their own was further increased when I attempted to make a police report only to find out that the police station closes at 5 PM and I was two hours too late. The isolation and helplessness that I felt is something I never wish that any of you go through because it is a rude awakening. I mean, at 5 PM, the police station is closed and it is also closed on the weekends. Crime is 24/7 occurrence and I have to wait to report a crime, what the hell! I felt helpless and angry with everybody. Seriously, Taco Bell closes at 10 PM and the police station closes at 5 PM, obviously food is much more important than helping citizens ( No offense to Taco Bell, I love Taco Bell) but it still pissed me off.
I have never had an experience with the police that was positive or negative. I have always been the casual observant who watches someone get arrested. I watch cops from afar so I guess I had neutral to positive views on them because they help keep the city safe. Now, I just think they hire cold people. Filing a police report reassured me that I did the right thing and it has return a false sense of security again but the feeling of helplessness and isolation are still running through me. However, it was such a cold process that I didn’t immediately feel better after filing the report. I actively had to convince myself that I was going be fine and I’m just starting again to believe that.
The feeling of helplessness is bad and dealing with the credit card companies doesn’t help. It was a grueling process just trying to talk to a representative when the automated machine insists that it can help me and there is no option to “talk to a representative.” There were some companies where it was fast and easy to get a transfer to a human. Some companies had me in tears and ripping my hair out because I could not get a transfer to a real person. For one specific company that I don’t even shop at, I slammed my hand down on my desk after 15 minutes of arguing with a machine and then the machine was “ I will transfer you to a representative.” I was so agitated that I could not even speak to the person when she answered. I told her “ I need a few minutes to calm down” because my anger and frustration laced my voice and the last thing I wanted was to take it out on a person who was going to help me deal with the problem. She was extremely nice and probably the most helpful out of all the agents that I dealt with. After talking to her, I was much more calmer in dealing with the credit card companies and honestly, bored with dealing with them. It didn’t even phase me after a while; I had become numb.
I sincerely hope that none of you ever go through this because it leaves you with a sense of vulnerability that does alter your view of the world. I feel the need to be colder and be more on guard against the world where before I was like still living in a world that I had faith would treat me nice if I was nice to it. It was a naïve perspective, I admit that but I wanted to believe that. The world has put me through some bullshit before so I know it can be a cruel world but I have always been able to take a lesson from those moments that have benefited my life. I just don’t know what lesson to take from this. How does this help me? Because I have no idea.
January always means a bad time for me but it is usually small things. I have to replace this or that, my leg acts up because of the cold, small things that make life a little miserable. It’s never been this bad, this sense of helplessness and bleakness that January brought with it makes no sense to me.
Now that January is over, I can safely say that I feel that my life is slowly piecing itself back together and I feel more confident in interacting with the world. I’m making a full return to blogging and hopefully, you’ll make the return trip with me.